Our lives are made up of days, each one the same length as the last, each one just as important and full of promise, each one an opportunity to make good decisions.
Our debt is made up of dollars, each one the same value as the last, each one just as important and full of promise, each one an opportunity to make good decisions.
Am I making good decisions with my money? The answer is clearly, "obviously not." But what I've done in the past is not what I'm going to be doing in the future. Everyday is an opportunity to make better decisions; with life, finances and relationships. My habits when I was young matured as I did and became the habits of my future. I can see the habits that I've been creating and cultivating. My habit of spending money comes from the desire to lead an interesting life. My old habit of spending is somewhat frivolous and I simply can't afford it anymore.
There is emotion attached to money, spending and debt. Everyday we are faced with thousands of ways to spend our money. We are a consumer society and we've created whole industries dedicated to coming up with powerful ways to make us vote for our favourite products and services with our dollars. There is always something we think we want, always something we think we need, and always something to entertain us if we get bored. That's part of the problem; we always seem to be bored, in need, or wanting. I've found that the new perspective being broke has given me is that I don't have to give in to the daily distractions designed to draw the dollars out of my wallet. I am developing new habits involving money. I am spending less on more, choosing value over quantity and making an effort to decide wants vs. needs.
I've found that every day is a chance to change my habits and through them, my future. Every day is an opportunity for one more dinner out, or one more dollar in the bank. Every day has it's challenges that must be overcome, but with a clear head and attainable goals in mind the days can be met with the right attitude and dedication to get me where I need to be. Where I want to be.
This day is the only day I have to make decisions about my finances. Today is the only day I can work on, because yesterday is over and the decisions I made then, either good or bad, cannot be changed. Tomorrow creates it's own mystery. I can only plan and hope that things will go well and although my decisions impact and influence the success of tomorrow I truly have no power to do anything with it.
Today is the only day I can be good with my money and whether or not I choose to is a choice that I can control. I do not regret my spending decision in the past and I have no desire to regret spending decisions I'll make in the future. This desire helps me stay on track every day, one day at a time.
What I've done with yesterday has allowed me to come into today. I must make this day count; make that dollar count. I am working towards financial sustainability. I know I can get there, I just need to make every day count. Because every day does.
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Thursday, 16 February 2012
I'm not cheap, I'm broke.
A friend of mine called me cheap today. It hurt my feelings and made me mad. I'm not cheap, I'm broke. And the worst part was, she knew I was broke. I talked to her about it the same day I realized I was broke. She knew that it was because of my old lifestyle and she knew that I was changing my habits to get myself out of debt. I had already told her that I couldn't do anything fun for the next three years and when I declined an invitation to go out for dinner not even a month later she said it was because I was cheap.
I realized that my being broke was going to look like being cheap to some people. I realized that my desire to get out of debt was going to take a long time and my friends weren't going to easily accept the fact that I truly must decline for financial purposes. I realized that even though most people are broke, they usually don't recognize it as a fact and therefore hold on to their bad spending habits. This same friend was in worse financial shape than I was, but accepted the dinner invitation anyway. The difference is I recognized that I truly can't afford it. She and millions of other people look at their credit card statements every month and think, "Oops, I overspent." This line of thinking is dangerous and counterproductive for good spending habits.
That's how I got in this mess in the first place.
I would tell myself "It's only one trip. I can afford one trip." Yes. It was true. But that trip cost $1,270 and then add excursions ($250) and shopping ($350) and the food bought at the airport ($30) and parking for the week ($110) and the one trip that I thought I could afford ends up costing over $2,000. And then I come home and people want to go for one dinner out. It's hard to say, "I just came back from vacation. I can't afford it. And I won't be able to afford it the week after, or the week after, or the week after."
Let's put it in perspective. Travelling once is like eating out 100 times. I have to say no to 'one more dinner out' 100 times to make up what I spent on vacation. That's how it works. I can't do both. I can't afford it. I'm not cheap, I'm broke. There is a difference. I've declined one dinner out and have 99 more to go. And that only counteracts my first trip. I've got 8 in total to make up for.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Trimming the Fat
I assumed my debt wasn't out of control because I had a very extensive budget. But a very extensive budget didn't ensure my financial stability. The mere act of having a budget wasn't enough to keep my spending habits align with my limits and goals according to my very extensive budget. Going broke forced me to take a hard look at my own bottom line.
We've all heard the term. Trimming the Fat. A metaphor to show the act of maximizing and utlizing cash flow. According to my budget I had already trimmed my fat. I felt fully secure in believing that I was making the most out of every penny that was coming through my bank account. I had assumed that there was simply no way I could reduce my monthly spending by another cent!
However, going broke and accepting help made me re-prioritize my finances. I set easier, more specific goals. Achievable goals. Goals I could control and keep an eye on. I knew that my savings and emergency fund were virtually decimated and if I was truly going to be prepared for my future, and the surprises synchronous with life, I had to find extra money in creative places for those days that I would need extra cash on hand.
Who can honestly say they have extra cash on hand? Extra cash on hand. Not many, I assure you. Those lucky few who do end up with extra cash on hand are rare, and boring, I'm sure. It takes money to live a life! It takes money to try new things! It takes money to pursue most hobbies! Those with extra cash simply aren't doing enough living. But because of my living habits I found that since I had NO extra cash on hand, I was in danger of using my credit should something unfortunate happen.
That's not even fair. It doesn't take something unfortunate to happen to be in need of a few extra $20's. Life is full of ways to make us spend our dollars. And life is also full of surprises. For those surprises I knew I'd need to start saving every nickle I could to reduce the amount of credit I would have to use, since credit is what got me in this predicament in the first place!
So I did it. Through newly rationalized priorities I managed to squeeze honey from a stone. I found extra fat on my budget and shaved off some extra cash each pay cheque. I learnt that every dollar counts, and that if I don't have to spend one, I won't. One day I'll be able to save towards more luxurious spending, but for the time being a dollar saved is one more in my pocket. I have the comfort of knowing that in an emergency, albeit, a small emergency, I will not have to pull out my credit to save myself from an unforeseen expense.
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Accepting Help
When I went broke I broke down. I didn't know how I was going to live, let alone how I was going to tell people about my problem. Since I've always considered myself a good 'not-spender' I often ducked out of dinners, or drinks with friends because I knew I couldn't afford to eat out all the time. Going broke meant I was facing a situation that didn't allow me to go out for drinks or dinner ever. Or at least not for a long time.
It bothered me to have to tell my friends "no" should they ask me to do something fun. I didn't want to have to explain to them all that I couldn't afford it, that I was broke. Being broke was embarassing and I rather wished I didn't have to talk about it over and over again. However, I knew I couldn't stop them from asking, so I ended up putting an announcement on my facebook page stating that I was broke, and so please refrain from asking me to do anything that cost money. I had nothing to spare. I had nothing to give.
It pained me to write it, but I'm glad I did. People were so supportive, offering suggestions and relieving some of the pressure. They were really helpful and told me not to worry, that it happened to everyone. But I couldn't help but be angry at the fact that it hadn't happened to just anyone, it happened to me.
Once word got out my closest friends offered to help me. Some by offering to help make me more accountable for my cash flow and some by offering to buy me things. It embarassed me to have my friends offer to buy me dinner, or drinks, or dog food. I felt that I had gotten myself into this mess that I should be forced to get myself out of it. But they insisted. And I let them.
Still, it was hard to be at the end of a meal and awkwardly sit and wait for them to pay. I didn't want to seem like I thought I was entitled to a free meal, or free support from them. I wanted at least to be able to pretend that I could pitch in. But the truth was I couldn't even pretend anymore. I had nothing.
One especially good friend of mine offered to take me grocery shopping to help me load up on food for home to hold me for a while. At first I had to decline. That was too much. Thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I couldn't accept. By this time, I had grown used to feeding myself on a sparse budget and had decided in my head that I would be just fine without help.
She insisted.
I couldn't resist. I was on the phone with her and she was saying that I didn't need to pay her back, that it would be a gift, and that she knew I'd do the same for her if she was the one who needed it. Her offer was so generous that I couldn't help but realize the gravity of my situation. I couldn't survive with no food, and when she was speaking and calling it a gift, I couldn't help myself. I chocked up, my throat closed, my breath stopped coming and I started to cry. She was being so generous, and I couldn't even afford the phone call it was coming in on. I needed her, I needed her help. I had to face the fact that I couldn't do this alone. That I shouldn't do this alone. I had to break down the blocks of my pride and accept her help with a gracious "Thank you. I need it." How silly it is that the phrase "I need help" is one of the hardest to say.
She came over, bought me dinner and took me shopping. We walked every inch of that grocery store and she bought me things that I could never before afford. She didn't care what the price tag was, all she cared about was that I had enough food to get by.
All she cared about was me.
I had to learn to let myself go. I had to learn to open up and accept the help being offered me. I had to learn to let go and allow her generosity to support me when I couldn't support myself.
She took my breath away saying, "you'll like this, grab 4" and, "you can live off of these, take a couple" and "what else do you need?" Our final tab was more money than I've ever spent on food ever. She was laughing at me, watching my face. I kept watching the cashier scan item after item and the total rose and rose and climbed to petrifying heights!
She took my breath away saying, "you'll like this, grab 4" and, "you can live off of these, take a couple" and "what else do you need?" Our final tab was more money than I've ever spent on food ever. She was laughing at me, watching my face. I kept watching the cashier scan item after item and the total rose and rose and climbed to petrifying heights!
"Relax!" She told me. "It's ok. Don't think of it."
Don't think of it!? I was in shock. There was no way I could ever purchase that many groceries! I could feel myself going over my budget trying to find money to put towards this shopping trip. I watched in disbelief as she handed over her payment and I walked like a zombie as we left the store with our loot. When we got it home and put away I realized that she had done so much for me with what she considered to be 'nothing.' I couldn't help but thank her and thank her for her gift.
When she left I had to sit and get over myself. If I was them and I wanted to help me I'd want me to simply be gracious and accept the gifts as gifts. We are all here to help each other through this life, the lesson to learn is to accept that help when it's needed to be able to someday give the help when needed by somebody else.
It is my time to focus on me. It is my time to accept the generosity of my friends and those who care about me. It is my time to replenish so I may one day be able to give back to them.
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