I'm not cheap, I'm broke.

A friend of mine called me cheap today.  It hurt my feelings and made me mad.  I'm not cheap, I'm broke.  And the worst part was, she knew I was broke.  I talked to her about it the same day I realized I was broke.  She knew that it was because of my old lifestyle and she knew that I was changing my habits to get myself out of debt.  I had already told her that I couldn't do anything fun for the next three years and when I declined an invitation to go out for dinner not even a month later she said it was because I was cheap. 

I realized that my being broke was going to look like being cheap to some people.  I realized that my desire to get out of debt was going to take a long time and my friends weren't going to easily accept the fact that I truly must decline for financial purposes.  I realized that even though most people are broke, they usually don't recognize it as a fact and therefore hold on to their bad spending habits.  This same friend was in worse financial shape than I was, but accepted the dinner invitation anyway.  The difference is I recognized that I truly can't afford it.  She and millions of other people look at their credit card statements every month and think, "Oops, I overspent."  This line of thinking is dangerous and counterproductive for good spending habits.  

I can almost hear them now... What's one dinner out?  What's one more DVD?  What's one more computer game?  What's one more pair of shoes?  Nothing.  The answer is, nothing is wrong with one more dinner out.  It's when you do dinner and buy that one more DVD and that one more game AND that one more pair of shoes is when you have the problem.  Most people cannot comprehend that one more dinner out is never ONE more dinner out.  It's one dinner today ($20), and then one extra coffee tomorrow ($5), and then one pair of shoes ($60) on the weekend, and drinks ($50) out with friends that same evening and then you buy that one extra game anyway. ($60)  After your ONE more dinner out, you've gone and spent $175 on top of your one dinner out.  That's nearly $200.  That is where the idea of one dinner out becomes one helluva bad spending habit.  Everything is only ever ONE more! 

That's how I got in this mess in the first place. 

I would tell myself "It's only one trip.  I can afford one trip."  Yes.  It was true.  But that trip cost $1,270 and then add excursions ($250) and shopping ($350) and the food bought at the airport ($30) and parking for the week ($110) and the one trip that I thought I could afford ends up costing over $2,000.  And then I come home and people want to go for one dinner out.  It's hard to say, "I just came back from vacation.  I can't afford it.  And I won't be able to afford it the week after, or the week after, or the week after." 

Let's put it in perspective.  Travelling once is like eating out 100 times.  I have to say no to 'one more dinner out' 100 times to make up what I spent on vacation.  That's how it works.  I can't do both.  I can't afford it.  I'm not cheap, I'm broke.  There is a difference.  I've declined one dinner out and have 99 more to go.  And that only counteracts my first trip.  I've got 8 in total to make up for.